:D

song of the day: never had a dream come true (s club 7)

read all she ever wanted and weeped my heart out.
it touched me.
and darn.
the radio had to play s club 7's never had a dream come true.

a part of me will always be with you.

i figured out that today's a bad day.
a day for emo-ing.
but being emo feels good.
okay but it's just for today.
too much emo-ness is harmful.

met up with my previous tutor and we did a bit of inequalities.
then we're back to discuss about what i really want to achieve in life.
hell, i have no idea.
i hated the way he can so easily read my mind and i hated him for knowing me inside out.
but i love talking to him because he always makes me think about my future like what i really wanted and i guess that's important.
and today he threw me one question.
do i want to stay in jc?
he told me before that i'll do much better in poly because i'm an application person, not theory but i chose not to heed his advice.
come to think of it now, i regretted quite a bit because i'm definitely not doing well in my studies and that sucks.
but he said it's not too late.
i can just quit jc and go poly now.
at most i just waste one year, better than not doing well in a's and having to end up going nowhere but back to poly and i'll waste two years.
i certainly can't wait to get out of jc but for now i've already settled down and i'm too tired and perhaps afraid as well to start over again in another environment.
what if i can't find new friends?
what if i still don't do well?
there are just too many what ifs.
but he said life isn't about what if or maybe or should have.
we all made choices, some of them bad, some of them good.
for the bad ones, we should just move on and not look back.
sigh.
i hate making decisions because i'm afraid of what and where they may lead to but if i don't, i'll never know.
maybe it's time for me to start making my own decisions, not my parents, not my friends but myself.
and it's time for me to seek God again and ask for his guidance because ultimately, it is His will that i should be focusing on.
anyway apart from this, my tutor said i looked haggard.
HAHA.
i told him i have been reading a lot therefore, i've not been getting enough sleep which is quite true for now.
i think i'm addicted to books.
once i start reading, i can't stop.
but also, i can't be bothered with how i look right now.
heck the pimples and eyebags.
even if there's a huge pimple growing on the tip of my nose, i wouldn't give a damn about it.
oh well.

lots of thinking to do this december.
but for now, off to my fourth book!
((: